ammits420friendlychillspot:

i wanna marry somebody cuter than me but sadly…i am the cutest :/

170,002 notes

somethingpretentioussounding:

Necromancer old woman who summons the dead to help her out with knitting projects

"Can you fetch me the angora yarn? I’m starting a blanket for our Nancy’s newest."

And then undead Napoleon or Ghengis Khan or whatever just sigh and are like, 

"The cream or the lilac?"

"The lilac, dearie."

*sigh*

17,414 notes

omgrunlol:

powerlesbian:

today i learned domesticated talking birds that escape are teaching wild talking birds expletives that sometimes become that flock’s group call

can you imagine being out on a nature walk and randomly hearing a group of birds screaming HEY ASSHOLE

oh my god

202,162 notes

just-troylerthings:

4thalbum:

"all gays will go to hell"

oh noooo…. what will i do… surrounded with ……. nothing ……. but other homosexuals……….. u win this round……… god

THIS NEEDS MORE NOTES

162,033 notes

unclefather:

how to kiss a boy

  1. grab his waist
  2. slip your hand in his pocket
  3. steal his wallet
  4. dont even kiss him
  5. just run
679,650 notes